


Just Breathe

by cinderellacomplex (orphan_account)



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mystic Messenger - Freeform, Romance, jumin han - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 05:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20384755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cinderellacomplex
Summary: What do they always say in order to survive the rabid waves of life?Yes, indeed.Just breathe.





	Just Breathe

_i._

Memories

_How did we meet?_

The longer the days, the more I forget. When I close my eyes, he’s no longer the one I see inside my head. I count the days that passed, trying to keep my mind on track. I keep fighting the unknown, but I don’t know what’s waiting for me at the end of the road.

And until one night, for the first time in a while, I saw his face in my dreams again. The familiar warmth of his love returning to me once more. Just until that night, I thought I had forgotten. But it occured to me… that this might be only him… reminding me to forget.

Distant memories played, like a broken record of a tape. Memories of him and I flooded until I was slowly drowning in them, my unconscious mind screaming for help.

* * *

_ii._

Relived

“Sorry. I just stared in your eyes.” His voice echoed a soft whisper I haven’t heard in a long time. And his familiar warmth that embraced my heart from deep within lingered.

I stared back at him, equally appalled with what I saw. I knew he could be potentially good looking… but I never expected him to be this gorgeous. When he chuckled a bit, it was the signal for me to gather my wits together. I was so sure I looked like a gaping fish there!

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to stare, I swear–“ Though I sounded so silly, now, it didn’t matter. So long as I can hide the fact that I was openly staring back at him then any excuse is fine. I can feel my cheeks burning from immense embarassment already.

“It’s fine. Though… you are quite amusing.” Jumin’s soft voice remarked, his tone that of someone who’s undeniably entertained. With his arms crossed over his chest, his dark steel orbs continued to rake a look at my entire being.

And then I remembered… I only wore my pajamas… when I rushed to his place.

Gosh! _How careless of me!_

Ultra embarassed with my predicament, I tilted my head down, cheeks burning severely from shame. I fiddled with the hem of my tank top, my voice a low whisper as I said, “U-um… can I at least… borrow a shirt from you…? I-I rushed here without thinking further… because you know um, I was really worried about you in the messenger…”

When I heard Jumin release a strangled cough that sounded like he was choking out of nowhere, I immediately rushed to his side, worried because he sounded like a dying animal. With my hands finding its way on his broad back, his manly musk immediately erupted my senses. I paused, overwhelmed with how utterly good he smelled at the moment.

He then tilted his head up a bit, just enough for us to make eye-level contact. I froze. Suddenly, it felt like my world stopped. And it took its sweet time to remember this moment. This moment that I knew… I’d probably remember for the rest of my life.

It was the first time for me… to see him up close. This close. To see the full plump of his lips. To see how his perfect nose rested on his handsome face. To see how his jaw tightened and his eyes widening the moment he realized we were so close… too close even tell.

“U-uh… your shirt…?” Unsure of what to say, my mouth chose to utter the dumbest of all reasons. He blinked several times before he erupted into tiny heaps of chuckles, sending me to an unbelievable fit of shameful moments.

He straightened himself, and I followed suit. But I stilled when I felt his finger brush swiftly from my cheek to my ear. I felt him tuck a loose strand behind as I stared at him, equally lost in his beautiful pair of metallic eyes. They were as grey as steel… and seemed as cold as the night. But the way he looked at me was enough to melt an iron clad heart.

His lips tugged a smile, the crease on his forehead easing up. “Ah. It’s late for me to send someone from my personal designers… and I would like you to have your personal wear while you’re here… Hm, I guess my shirt will do for the mean time.” He paused a bit, his furrowed brows showing concern for one thing. “Though… I must warn you… they’re all dress shirts.”

I chuckled at this. He seemed confused with the way I reacted. With my state right now, how could I be picky? So I nodded eagerly and beamed at him. “That’s okay! I’m sure as long as I’m with you, I’ll be fine. Then… I’ll be under your care for the mean time?”

He smiled. And it knocked my breath away. The gentle quirk of his lips and the twinkle in his eyes.

_All for me._

A smile from him that only the two of us shared.

“That might be the case.” His smooth voice quipped. “You don’t need to worry… as long as you’re with me.”

And it was at that moment I realized I had fallen deep into a hole I can never crawl back up to.

* * *

_iii._

To remember

“I want you. And I want you to want me too.” How many days has it been? I forgot to count. I’m with him at the living room with the troubled look on his face that I wanted to desperately erase. I knew he wasn’t fine. But what can I do? What can I do for him… for the man I love… for the man my heart beats for… I don’t know. And I’ve never felt so useless now than ever.

“Jumin…” I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. I knew he was too emotional today. But I wanted him to know I’ll never leave him. That I’ll stay. I’ll be by his side until he feels better. I wanted to give him that reassurance that when he comes home, I’ll be here. That when I finally go home, I’m still for him… and only for him… but how?

“Wait for me.” For a moment, I saw confusion flash on his eyes. But I was more determined to be fazed. It might’ve been the stupidest idea of all but I should try. For him. To make him feel okay. To reassure his doubting heart.

I found myself running towards his bedroom, each footstep a trace of certainty. And when I finally reached his closet, I grabbed the only garment I continued to secretly use while he’s away. I quickly changed and wore his shirt, his scent mixing with mine. And strangely… always… it makes me feel at peace. Just by having his scent over me… calms the erratic beating of my heart.

Of course I knew what it meant with my heart beating crazily over him. I didn’t want to overwhelm the situation but my heart aches for him too.

More than anything.

_More than everything._

When I stepped out in the living room, Jumin’s eyes widened with what he saw. His mouth gaped as he stared at me, his eyes raking a look all over my physique. I blushed hard. I blushed at how he was staring at me openly. I might look ridiculous, yes, but the love I felt for this man before me overcomes all circumstances.

“I’ll be here… Until you come home. And even though I might have to go home soon… it doesn’t mean that we won’t be connected anymore.” I took a few steps and intertwined my fingers with his as I guided his hand on top of my chest… for him to feel the beating of my heart. For him to be assured.

“MC…?” His voice, breathless, asked. And I looked up to him. I was met with his eyes full of awe. At those eyes that seemed distant when I looked at his photographs on the messenger. But they are in front of me.

_They are real._

And they’re burning and alive.

“I’m yours. Can you feel it?” I whispered as I took his hand next to my lips, kissing each fingertip, familiarizing myself with how his hand perfectly fits mine. “Did you feel the beating of my heart? It’s for you. And only you. So please… be assured. Don’t worry. Because when you come home I’m still yours. And when I go home, I will still be yours.”

“I love you. I love you and only you. No one else in this world but you.” His deep baritone that was full of love and adoration worshipped my lips. And each kiss was leaving a fervent feeling of heat and desire on my skin. All of these reminded me of how alive I was… of how alive I had been.

“We are one. You and me.” His mouth that brought nothing but sweet words… his hands that left nothing but fire burning on my skin. “You’re mine. And I’ll do everything on your bidding… I’m yours. I surrender myself to you. Forever and always.”

“Yes. I’m yours and yours alone too, Jumin.” I smiled despite my face full of tears. “I love you too.” I was happy. I’ve never been this happy my entire life.

My heart felt so full of this man before me.

* * *

_iv._

How

I can never forget how he looked divine under the moonlight that slipped inside our room. It’s been a year then and we finally officiated our vows. My entire life, I’ve never been this happy. Each day, each night was full of love. He might not be perfect but he loved me and all of my imperfections. He kissed my wounds, he healed my pain.

I completed him and he complimented me. It was bliss. And every night without him by my side when he’s away for his business trips, I would always put on his shirt to calm myself as I go to sleep. I would wake up on mornings of his arrivals wherein I’d see him staring amusely at me and to what I’m wearing. And then he’d tease me about how I was so obsessed with his shirts when I can always have the real thing.

“You do love my shirts… may I ask why?” He asked one day, his hand under his chin as he plopped himself down beside me. I buried my face on one of the pillows, embarassed of being discovered.

“W-well…” my voice came out muffled and because of this, I felt Jumin shifting beside me as he removed the pillow that covered my face. I felt my cheeks burning as I tried to look at anywhere else but him.

“Well… what?” He teased some more as he casually slipped under the covers. Then, I felt his arms wrapping around me under the duvet, pulling me closer to him. I watched at how he nuzzled himself between the crook of my neck, his hair a tousled mess.

“I-I love it when I wake up and I’m covered with your… um, scent…” Despite the many nights we shared together, I still can’t get enough of him. It seemed that the love I have for him only grew stronger as time allowed it to be. I heard his grumbled chuckle as he snuggled me closer.

“Hmm… I’m sure you do. But my love, I’m here. I’m the real thing. If you want to wake up with me cuddled beside you every morning, I will.” He suggested and that only made my heart race more. But… I must admit that I liked the idea. I liked it more than I should have. But the comfort his shirt brings whenever he’s away from home will always ease my heart from longing for his arrival.

“That… might be a good idea.” In the end, I kept agreeing with him.

“No more stealing my shirts while I’m here, alright? I’d rather you steal me instead… over and over again, my love.” He breathed against my neck, igniting the fire within me alive. “Until I breathe my last, I’d love you… Forever and always.”

* * *

_v._

To forget

The lingering feeling of falling asleep beside him felt like a distant memory. Many months away from home, I found myself once again to the place where it all began. My footsteps lacked its usual certainty, unsure of where it should be taking me.

What did I come here for?

I always asked myself that. No one told me how hard it’s gonna be when times like this come. It felt like I was evading a memory I could have just left stowed on the deepest part of my heart. Just to let it heal. Just to let the pain completely dissipate.

I walked the familiar corridors of his home and was welcomed with a door I haven’t seen in a while.

How many months has it been since I was home?

I can’t remember… or rather, I chose to forget. I chose not to count the days anymore. For when I’m painfully aware of the days the more it was hard for me to take the next step. I’m exhausted and all I’ve been doing was to hope for a good thing to happen. A miracle? I’m not sure. For days… weeks… I’ve hope. And hoped. And wished that all my hopes won’t fall into despair.

I threaded the path inside the painfully large bedroom, memories I supressed inside my mind forcing itself out. The moon still shined through the same window. The exquisite view of the height from where I stood still gave me the familiar goosebumps from before. The layout of the place, the things left inside were still the same, the memories made in each corner still lingered in the air.

And I found myself walking towards the big walk-in closet, unsure if I should open it. As I closed my eyes, I started to remember again…

“I’ll be going now.” His voice was so warm. I told him I’d be the one giving him his constant reassurance but it was him… it was Jumin all along. It was him who continued to provide me the assurance I needed.

“When will you be back?” I asked as I bit my bottom lip.

“I’ll be away for a week. I need to personally visit a plant for the company.” I noticed how he stopped fixing his handcuffs and turned to face me. I felt him coming closer as I watched how his foot stopped a few inches from where I was. I saw him crouching with a gentle smile plastered upon his features. “Of course, I’ll be back. After all, I can’t be away from you for so long.”

“I’ll miss you.” I whispered as I traced his lips with my fingertips. He was quick to catch my hand and kiss it. The feathery kiss he provided still left a tingling sensation I could never forget.

“As I am.” He said. “Meanwhile, while I’m away, I have stowed something for you. Our little game of hide and seek my shirt is still on-going, I presume?” With his eyebrow tilted up, I giggled at his query.

“Of course! When you’re finally back, you’ll see that I found it already!” I laughed at his remarks. This has been a constant game for us whenever he leaves for longer business trips ever since he found me out. And everytime I’d be able to find his shirt, he’s already by the door waiting.

“And when you can’t find it…?” Jumin asked, his smile a mixture of curiosity and amusement.

“What are you saying? Of course I’d find it!” I beamed at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’ll find it, wear it and greet you my I love yous at the doorstep when you’re finally home again.” I dipped in and kissed him long. My heart beating strangely against my chest.

“I love you. Wait for me.” He breathed as we broke apart from our kiss. He leaned his forehead and rubbed his nose with mine. “And when you miss me, what do you do?”

“Just breathe.” I answered, breathless, intoxicated and in love. I stared and let myself get lost in his beautiful stormy grey eyes.

“Yes, darling.” He paused and kissed me once more. “Just breathe.”

I sucked in a breath, these memories flooding back. And the wounds I nursed to heal in my heart reopened. When I saw a white plastic on the edge of the bottom compartment of the closet, that’s when my tears began to fall. I grabbed the item and sat myself on the massive, empty bed behind me.

As I opened the package, the more I wanted to cry. When my senses were able to retrack and retrace how he smelled, I completely lost it.

The tears I tried so hard to keep started running wild. My vision became blurry as I hugged the material close to my heart. And for the longest time, I had let myself succumbed to the blinding pain I desperately ignored.

“Jumin…” I whispered and my heart screamed. Because now… no matter how many times I say I found it… I will never find him again. No matter how many times I close my eyes and wait for his voice and embrace, it won’t be coming back. I won’t be able to hear him anymore.

He’s already beyond my grasp.

“I finally…” I paused and remembered what he said. The thing he never forgot to tell me. The thing that had been my saving grace all this while.

Just breathe.

_ **“Found… you…”** _

**Author's Note:**

> — this was a fanfic heavily inspired by the song Just Breathe - Rival, Cadmium and Jon Becker  
— might want to read while listening to the song!!  
— original post came from my tumblr, juminssi


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